Oddities

We all have our oddities. Most likely if we laid them out on the table like a deck of cards, we'd find we have many in common. The oddity that annoys even myself is what I will call habitual obsession - I won't say OCD because most Americans are at least partially control freaks due to excess of time, wealth, and choice.

My tendency towards habitual obsession is what drives me to drink a tall glass of Carnation Instant Breakfast every morning and evening. It is what forced me to stay up last night until I was satisfied with my new blog layout in both Mozilla and IE and caused me to dream of layouts on into my sleep. It compels me to fixate on something I wish to purchase until every possible price has been compared, options weighted, and I finally buy it a year later. It woke me in high school to write down verses of poetry and double check that I had completed homework. It had me drooling over blueberry bagels and cream cheese in the middle of differential equations, go through several months of grad school eating two fried eggs over easy each afternoon, and break open a box of pie crust only to diminish it spoonful by spoonful over the course of a week - several times. Some of these obsessions last a few days, some last for years. It is by habit that I fall into these.

Unfortunately, I am not farsighted enough to determine which are habitual obsessions and which are true passions. I have a whole list of hobbies and activities I have enjoyed over the years which I no longer do. I think I am actually in mourning over no longer backpacking because I placed my identity in being a backpacker. Pottery is another that I wonder what will happen to... same with gardening. I realize that people change and so do circumstances, but often the abandonment of these indistinguishable passions/obsessions leaves me feeling a bit lost, and honestly - petty and flighty.

At the same time, I relish building a repertoire of skills and tastes even if it is as simple cooking the best twice baked potatoes or as complicated as throwing lidded pots. Hopefully, although I cannot always approach these with the same fervor, I will still be able to dabble in these loves and share them in the future.