For A Good Whine

This is for my friend Amaris.

I have many amazingly strong women friends in my life who go through incredibly hard times. For the most part these women choose truth, honesty, and graciousness in dealing with pain. Most of the time, other than verbally processing with good friends, they don't complain. Because they choose to sort through life avoiding obviously destructive coping mechanisms and holding their tongue, occasionally they are suddenly possessed by the need to whine.

Personally, I am not a Facebook or Twitter-whiner, and I shy away from leaving those obscure "you hurt me, but I'm not saying your name so that all my friends now have to call and make sure we're cool" status messages. I have, however, been known to drop a good rant on loving ears. For instance, once during my sophomore year in college after fairly raw boyfriend fight and an unfortunate combination of foods at Fountain dining hall, I remember crying to my two friends for about 15 minutes about how I'd never get a man to marry me because I was so gassy. Well, there was crying and laughing and head patting and my friends not knowing if I was serious and completely baffled by the tears streaming down my face. After this, I felt much better.

I believe that every girl needs a good Waaah (pronounced with the same 'æ' sound in slammer) every now and then. Recently, by chance I discovered a very effective method for whining that will subside the itch for possibly an entire week. Because I love you and am little narcissistic (I do have a blog, right?), I am sharing.

1. Find a pair of loving ears... I mean REALLY loving ears.

2. For about three minutes - no... make it two, lay it all out. Start whining about the big stuff and work down to the little things such as "I keep having relationship problems and I think it stems from my daddy issues", "Every time I try to sleep on my right side, my right nostril closes up and I get twinges in my neck, but then my toenails keep snagging on the sheets when I try to roll over," and "I undercooked the pasta AGAIN and had to eat crunchy noodles at work" and finally "The corner of the rug keeps curling up and I've sat stacks of books on it for THREE DAYS and nothing has changed and I'm just so MAD!"

3. Now this is next part is key, and you will have to instruct the loving ears on this one ahead of time if they don't already practice this. Once you are done, your friend must look at you with one eyebrow raised - head slightly cocked in the direction of the raised eyebrow - and calmly ask "Did I just hear a Waaah?"

4. This is your cue to tilt your head back and say, "No, this is a Waaah." Now, make the saddest, whiniest, toddler-protesting-a-nap face you can and go, "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Waaah! Waaah! Waaaaaaaaaah!"

5. Waaah until you both erupt in laughter at how completely ridiculous you are being.

This recently worked for me, partly due to the element of surprise. Joe and I regularly ask each other, "Did I hear a Waaah?" so I didn't have to instruct him on his part ahead of time.

FYI, "Did I hear a Waaah" was not invented by us. I first heard it from a friend at a summer camp. That was his line to whiney campers on the waterfront who were complaining about not getting things their way.

DISCLAIMER, This is only meant to be a silly way to vent, not to replace working through real issues and having a good cry on a shoulder when needed.