Simplifying

Who couldn't handle a week of this?

Okay, so now that I got that load off my chest in the last post, here's some ideas I have been mulling over for changing up our budget.

Food.
Embarrassingly, last month we spent about 74% of what we spent on groceries on eating out. For example, if we spent $100 on groceries, we also spent $74 on restaurants and fast food. Easily, this was one dinner out on weekends, lunches for Joe, and fast food takeout like Bojangles once a week. I am amazed, yet not surprised at how quickly this adds up and how out of hand it had become in our house. Currently, my deep freezer and pantry are full, so this month, we are going eat down the house. New budget goals (outside of this month) will be $100 a week on groceries including household and toddler supplies, $7/wk for Joe and each to have one lunch out, and $60/month for two dinners out a month. This comes to a weekly budget of about $144. As I get better at shopping with coupons, I hope to bring this down to about $125. The other night, Joe and I both ate at Boston Market for $7 because we had two $3 off coupons. I've started looking up other ways to eat out more cheaply like restaurant.com and various coupon sites and blogs such as We3Liebs that post local deals. I'd also like to do more dinners with friends in my home and theirs, which is cheaper than eating out and everyone wins!

Gardening.
So this is technically food, but it serves several purposes: exercise, entertainment, play, food, and learning. We have our own outdoor science museum in the backyard. I have to be careful though that I don't get carried away on garden projects that cost us more money. Mulch here and there is good, but patios and arbors may not be necessary!

Toys.
I love getting Daniel new things to play with, but toys aren't cheap! Our year membership to Marbles has allowed us to get to play with many more toys than we could ever afford, and its location makes it economical travel wise - we live about a mile away. We will probably continue that next year. Mom sent me a website www.discountschoolsupply.com, which has decent prices on new, educational toys. We've purchased a couple puzzles and musical instruments from them. There are also several local second-hand stores and Craigslist which sell used toys and gear - we just have to watch out for missing parts and be sure to disinfect. The dollar bin at Target has also been good for special deals such as metal pails and bins which make great storage containers. I'm starting to find that there are enough resources out there that I should never settle for paying full-price again.

Getting Crafty.
I have my own pottery wheel and kiln, so I've been tossing around the idea of teaching lessons and doing a fall craft for toddlers and kids that will help me make a little extra money on the side. I'm excited about those possibilities and have thrown out a couple lines to see if I get any bites.

Drive Less.
I love driving and finding new places, and there is so much to do locally, and within a couple miles from my house. I really don't need to drive 20 min each day to run errands, so compiling errands and shortening my driving radius should help reduce my gas expenditures. Joe is already driving less as he has started biking to work each day when it is not raining. Less driving means less gas, less maintenance, more time between oil changes, and usually less spending at stores you don't need to be going to anyhow!

Do you have any other suggestions? I feel like I am just beginning to explore how to live more simply.

My Portion

Sometimes I process verbally on the spot, and sometimes I take a couple days to internalize. Meanwhile as I internalize, I have nothing to say on any topic because the processing is deep, and to say something on another topic would feel shallow and betray where my heart is. Here's what I've come away with: It's all God's, and if chooses to give it or take it away, that is His business. Maybe sometimes He takes away simply because we can't give away and He wants to set our hearts free.

My favorite verse in childhood and through high school was Job 1:21 where Job declares, "Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." In college my favorite passage was from Lamentations 3 and the statement, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Other versions say "my hope is in Him." It is interesting that a young girl growing up so blessed with family, friends, health, and a comfortable lifestyle would cling so strongly to verses about loss and finding satisfaction in God. I wonder if He sometimes ingrains words on our hearts to prepare us for times when those words alone will sustain us.

On Friday we got news that my husband was cut back to three-quarters time at work, meaning he will work three out of four weeks, and during his week off has the option to draw unemployment. While he is pretty down about this and I am a little sick about it as well, I am also excited about the changes it will bring. For a long time now, I've been wanting to tighten our budget and to live more simply and break away from the materialism. The easiest way to do this is out of necessity. Selfishly, I am excited to get to spend one week out of four with my most favorite person on this earth. Obviously, things are going to be tighter, but we are not in a place of desperation.

On Sunday Tyler taught that the way we react to life's storms reveals in whom or what we place our hope. The compounded losses over the past year have begun to build up. I feel like I've been swimming laps and am starting to get a little antsy for the pool's edge where I can hold on and take a breather. But the deal is, I'm like a young child in swim lessons. I think I am swimming on my own, but God has his hands under my belly and is helping me float. Sometimes I am just so eager to get to the edge I just want to push out of His grasp and fight my way there. However, it is in the water, in His hold, that I learn and grow stronger.

So what has my hope been in? My ability to make babies, my plans for a family, intelligence, Joe's job, my job, cleverness, savings, the house, etc and on and on. Obviously God must really love us, because He's helping us to let go. I've never understood what "The Lord is my portion" means. It sounds so mysterious, which is part of the reason I have loved the verse over the past ten years. I am starting to get it now. Because all else fails, I will trust the Lord fill me, sustain me, satisfy me. Because all else fails, I will stay right here and wait on Him until He comes.

Garden Pics

Peppers


Okra Flowers


Pepper, Okra, and Beans

Did Somebody Scream?

Did somebody scream for ice cream?

Thanks to Jessica and her post on HT Super Doubles and Breyers, I bought 5 quarts of Breyer's ice cream for $2 each. I should have only paid $1.60 each, but I didn't think to print out two coupons. Still it was a great deal and I saved $19.97 and have about a year's supply of ice cream in the deep freezer. Thanks to Jessica, I will no longer be the brunt of Andrea's anger.

What is Overwintering in the Garden?

In case you were under any false impressions that I am a seasoned gardener, I will go ahead and make this clear: I am a "Google gardener". While I don't have many years experience gardening, I spend a lot of time reading forums and articles about gardening and the specific crops I am growing or planning to grow. I've often used Google images to identify my garden pests and then research how to avoid them in the future. The past four summers, I have grown a lot personally and have made many mistakes which is slowly giving me experiential knowledge.

This will be my first time planting in the fall. What got me started was that my spring plantings of garlic and onions were disappointing. I would have been better off just buying garlic and onions, which is what I had to do anyhow. In searching for when to plant for better success, I ran across this concept of "overwintering". Those of you who have been gardening, go ahead and chuckle, but this was a pretty exciting concept to a new gardener. The idea is, you plant in the fall early enough for roots to establish themselves, and then the cold months initiate bulbing (in the case of garlic and onions), leading to a larger, healthier spring harvest. This can be done with garlic, onions, parsnips, and certain breeds of carrots, cabbage, cauliflower and broccoli depending on your location. An excellent source for North Carolina gardeners is The North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service. This is a good article from New Hanover County titled "Garlic Production for the Gardener."

I planted spinach this Spring and was able to get several quarts of leaves before the plants bolted. I've read that fall spinach can have better flavor than spring spinach. Spinach requires cooler temperatures for germination. In warmer regions it can be grown all winter long, but in cooler areas, Spinach can be overwintered, where just a few inches grow before the cold hits and then the crop continues in the early spring for a harvest earlier than most spring planters achieve. This article from Mother Earth News talks about fall planting and has links to other guides on growing spinach.

Another thing I have been reading about in the latest issue of "Organic Gardening" is winter cover crops. Behind the three raised beds in the back, we are going to add two 8ft x 10ft plots that will be tilled and planted with a cover crop of winter rye to protect from weeds, aerate the soil with roots and give a layer of organic matter for the spring. These will be used for growing corn, okra and other row crops in the spring. The sun is good there, but there are some very tall pines that are sucking the soil dry and making it fairly acidic. I plan on taking in soil samples to the local extension for testing and advice.

Joe and I have just added one more small garden for herbs, strawberries and tomatoes, which wraps around two sides of the deck. Newly added lattice will provide better support for the tomatoes next summer. My only concern is that the garden will not get late afternoon sun because it is on the east side of the house. This past weekend I transplanted the strawberries from the back so we can till, I moved a rosemary bush from the front, and I planted the fennel from Oak View Historic Park and rosemary, oregano, and lavender from the Farmer's Market.

Pesto!

I should have snapped a picture of the basil in my garden because it had grown into such a large healthy clump! The past couple days I've been meaning to harvest it before it tried to flower, and this morning Daniel and I went out in search of pine nuts, which we finally found at Fresh Market.

I made my pesto with a colander full of fresh basil, three large cloves of garlic, about one-fourth a cup of olive oil, parmesean cheese, and pine nuts, a pinch of salt and pepper. I didn't measure anything, but just tasted as I went. I pulsed it in the mini-food processor and then used the mortar and pestle for a little extra smoothing and a nice photo op.


For lunch, I cooked some Sundried Tomato & Gorgonzola Rravioli by Nuovo which I purchased from Whole Foods. I topped it with the pesto and a fresh tomato from the garden. It was delicious!

Still Fighting It

It’s been two months since my discovery of miscarriage at the 12th week of pregnancy. Despite the initial sadness and the recurring fits of envy, I feel like I have been moving on with my life fairly well. Or I thought I had. This month, I was about 80% sure I was pregnant again. I was having headaches and nausea and even felt a little rounder. It’s amazing the power the mind has over the body, because my favorite aunt had her usual impeccable timing. Likely, the headaches were the storm systems moving through and the nausea was my nerves over whether or not I was pregnant. I was a little disappointed; my reaction was “Well, no baby is better than a miscarriage.”

In church this morning, I was singing the last song of the service, “Into the Arms of Jesus”, and I rarely do this, but I closed my eyes. The voices of hundreds of people singing out “Hosanna in the highest, your love will not fail us, no!” washed over me. All these hearts around me had their own aches, were fighting their own battles, and the answer to each one’s crisis was Jesus, and Jesus alone. Tears welled up as I realized I was still fighting this. I was still trying to solve my own problems, answer my own questions - be my own savior.

On the way home, I was thinking about the comparison of God to a potter and us to clay. It’s become somewhat of a cliché metaphor to me, so I felt a bit silly going down that road. Often, as the clay, I like to ponder what type of vessel I am being formed into; however, I began to consider that maybe I was not even a centered lump of clay yet. Before a potter will throw a vessel, first the clay has wedged. It is pounded and rocked and thrown to bring out all the bubbles and create uniform texture throughout, otherwise the vessel might explode and shatter during the firing. Next, the clay is put on the wheel and the potter leans into it, coning it up and down until there is not even a hint of wobble. When the clay is older and harder, it takes more strength to center it, more water to soften it to a place where it can be formed. If the clay is not absolutely centered, as the potter forms the vessel, it will begin to twist and wobble. Ultimately, the vessel will have weak spots and be unbalanced and may even fly off the wheel.

I’m not totally sure where I was going with the metaphor because I was soon thinking about gardening and playing in the dirt, but I think the main point is that God is still working on me. His patience, though perceived by my heart as inopportune delay, is done so as not to crush me. He takes his time to make me stronger not weaker, to build me up not to beat me down. Oh how I wish I were a softer lump of clay! Instead, I feel like that hardened lump that is pushing back against his hands determined to create myself.

Half Off Jungle Choking Hazards

Daniel and I took a short trip to Stone's Education Superstore on Tryon Rd to get some ideas for educational toys. He found these and was super excited about them, being all growly and such, so I ignored the 3+ label. They were 50% off! I will just have to make sure he doesn't mouth them.

Changing Seasons

Daniel and I have really enjoyed our local public pool this summer. It took him a week or so to warm up to playing, but this afternoon he was taking a running (think toddling) jump into my arms in the adult pool. He's really kicking his legs, blowing bubbles and is just a little too brave for my liking. I think if the summer were a couple months longer, I'd have that kid doggy paddling laps, maybe even doing the butterfly and treading water for 30 minutes... with his hands behind his back.

The pool closing for me marks the end of a beautiful but difficult growing season. One miscarriage in March, a pay cut at Joe's work, another miscarriage in June, a trip to the ER for burns, two cavities and selling the truck makes me want to hang up a hammock and just wait for the leaves to fall. I don't think I have ever thought so much in my life - not just cyclical thinking but processing, praying, and analyzing. Never have I been so aware at how fragile life is and how incredibly strong God has made me to be.

There are seasons in our lives that we will always remember and forever leave us marked. My mark is a pot-shaped burn ring on the back of my right thigh. I've been branded, and while I do hope the scar fades, for as long as I can see it, I will be reminded of this summer.

Joe and I were headed home from church when I brought up the question of whether he thought some of these hardships were spiritual attacks. He said they could be, but sometimes the things we think are attacks are actually God's grace. His pay cut may have been what has saved his job to this point. The burn accident may have been to prevent something worse from happening. The miscarriages may have prevented a full on psychological breakdown from exhaustion given my history with insomnia, or maybe they drew us closer to build on our marriage before growing the family. We just don't know. Either way, whether the hardships themselves were grace or not, we have been flooded with God's presence and feel extremely blessed.

I am so excited about this fall and my pottery class at NCSU starts next Wednesday night. I can't wait to catch up with old friends who are mostly twice my age and full of laughter and good stories and excellent pottery tips. I drove to campus to sign up for the class yesterday morning, and the campus was buzzing with returning students. Memories of extra-long dorm bed sheets, walks to Fountain dining hall with friends, and the excitement of new classes were fresh. Then I took Daniel out of the car seat and was bemused at how much older I was. Brushing the pop-tart crumbs off his shirt and cheeks and watching him mimic me as I knocked on the Crafts Center door warmed my heart. New seasons of life transposed over the locations of seasons past always get the best of me.

Visit Historic Oak View County Park

Sunday as our family was driving aimlessly on the east side of the beltline after being told the truck we were going to check out had been sold, I had Joe google local parks. We were only five minutes from Historic Oak View County Park, which neither of us had ever heard of. Despite the blazing heat, we took a turn on Poole Rd. I had actually been to the government building in front of the park for a flu shot when I was pregnant and didn't have insurance for a month, but didn't even notice this 27 acre gem behind it.


Some of the great features of this park are an indoor kids play kitchen and exhibits, large open areas and walking paths, a pond with geese, goats, a large fenced herb garden, and more cotton gin equipment than I could ever ask for. They host various events throughout the year, the next one is a storytelling event late in September. I look forward to going more in the fall and letting Daniel run around in the fields.


Regan and Gibson hung out with us yesterday, and Gibson and Daniel played together (near each other?) pretty well... except for Daniel's ninja moves with the broom. I enjoy hanging out with friends and seeing how they choose to handle kiddie fights. My tendency is to let them duke it out, but Regan runs great interception. The little wooden knife was a point of contention until Regan showed Daniel the wooden spoon.

Garden Update: Good Riddance!

Those crazy tomato plants, that produce those little yellow tomatoes I don't really care for but I picked and canned anyways, are not my children. They are not even pets. They are annual indeterminate fruit bearing vines, and they just met their untimely death. Pulling up plants from the garden is insanely liberating, I wish I had done it earlier. All summer as I nursed my guilt for for tossing out uneaten tomatoes, I was wasting nutrients, water and sunlight that could have gone to the plants I really loved. Lesson learned. There was a monarch caterpillar on one of these plants similar to the one in the picture above, which was taken at Oak View Historic Park earlier this morning. It was covered in these white eggs and hopefully they will manage to survive on top of the brush pile.

I am looking forward to the change in season and my first attempt at fall plantings. Just today, I planted a couple more squash seeds in a pot hoping to squeeze out a last little summer crop, but already I am dreaming of overwintering spinach and garlic. One of the square plots will be reserved for planting low growing crops like carrots, onions, and garlic which had trouble getting enough sunlight this past spring due to the aggressive tomatoes. A friend suggested I grow some other fall/winter leafy green crops to donate to a food drive since I don't like many leafy greens, and they are predominantly what people grow in the cool season. Meanwhile, there are now open spaces in the back gardens and I've started pulling up those plants that never produced and some weeds and dead flowers. While it was exciting to see the green burst up and bush out in the spring and summer, it is very refreshing to see bare spots. The side garden has absolutely no bare spots as my pepper plants, the okra and the beans have peaked.

Also, good riddance to the mosquitoes! This evening while I was tossing tomato plants, I got 29 bites on my legs and one on my face. I may actually fall in love with fall gardening simply because the bugs will be gone.

Updated Recipe: Spinach and Feta Wine Sauce Stuffed Chicken

Because I cannot resist feta, here goes another quick and easy recipe. The measurements below are loose. It is very similar to the Spinach and Feta Stuffed Chicken, but I have doubled the stuffing for the sauce, added some things, and dropped the bacon and broth. Serves 6.

Ingredients:

6 boneless chicken breasts
4 tbs butter (or more if you like butter!), can substitute with olive oil
1 bag of fresh, frozen spinach, chopped
1 8 oz package of block or crumbled feta
2 oz cream cheese
1/3 cup mayo
2 tbs Italian bread crumbs
1 cup white wine
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
2-4 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 8 oz package sliced mushrooms
1 small tomato, finely diced
1 box favorite pasta (bow ties for me!)

In a bowl, mix the spinach, feta, cream cheese, mayo and Italian breadcrumbs. Butterfly the chicken and stuff with with mixture. Heat up a large lidded skillet and use 2-3 tbs butter on medium high heat. Brown the chicken on both sides before adding the cup of wine and the rest of the mixture. Loosen up the burned bits from the pan into the wine. Add in the red pepper and garlic and cover the skillet, reduce to medium heat and continuing to stir occasionally to prevent too much sticking of the cheese to the pan. In another skillet, saute the mushrooms in butter. Boil whatever pasta you will be serving. When the chicken is fully cooked, which should take about 15-20 min (I just do a temp check as it cooks), remove from the skillet. Add the mushrooms and diced tomato and allow the sauce to simmer and continue to reduce. Add more wine if it is too thick. Keep stirring and tasting until you just can't stand it anymore. Drain the cooked pasta, pour on the sauce, and serve with the chicken on top!

Marriage is tough!

The irony of the title is that Joe teaches a pre-marriage class, which I helped with before having Daniel and once at our house when Daniel was an infant. We’ve also done a small amount of counseling for married couples. You would think I wouldn’t be surprised when marriage gets hard, especially since we are always emphasizing to the engaged couples that it requires serious and continual work.

I make a point of never writing about personal things that go on in my marriage out of respect for Joe. In person, to trusted friends, I will share almost anything with the exception of bad-mouthing Joe. I never want anyone to have a lesser opinion of him because of the things I say or do – they can form an opinion on their own. However, I also want to be transparent, and if I am able to do so without disrespecting Joe, maybe it’s okay to share a struggle here and there.

What I/we struggle with most is my mentality that I can do a better job than he can at almost anything not requiring well toned forearms and an extra eight inches of height. The extents of my conceit know no bounds, and I have often been known to watch over his shoulder, interjecting at will my critique and suggestions for improvement. Can I actually do most things better than Joe? That’s not the point. The point is I can’t do everything, which means I need Joe to do some things. Also, Joe elects to do many things just because he loves me, and it is the ultimate insult for me in the same sentence to express gratitude and comment on how I would have done it slightly differently.

This week, I tried so very hard to hold my tongue, and then yesterday I completely exploded, words pouring forth from my mouth as my head was screaming Stop it, woman! What are you doing? You just prayed that you wouldn’t do this! The injury was done. Joe being the kind and loving husband that he is simply asked me to stop and please trust him. He needed me to trust him - in my actions, words and thoughts.

I had not considered that what I was revealing was not simply disapproval of the job he was doing, but I was exposing my doubts in him as a provider, caretaker, and a man. I was undermining his efforts to lead us through a difficult situation and not supporting him when he needed, more than anything, support and gratitude. I had to confess that I was wrong on many levels – my pride, my greediness, my disrespect of him. We eventually found a point of humor in the whole ordeal and were able to laugh. Laughter takes us far.

If laughter were enough to survive the marriage, we’d be on cruise control. However, there is no cruise control in marriage. Marriage isn’t even close to riding in a car. It’s peddling a two-man bike up a hill, sometimes with a sidecar full of screaming kids. If one lets off, the other feels it. If both let off, that bike goes in reverse, and I don’t know many people who can stay on a bike going downhill backwards.

I can’t express enough how thankful I am that I married such a kind-hearted, sweet, and loving man. He’s not perfect, and I obviously am even less perfect than he is, but at least we both have our feet on the pedals.

Daniel, Take the Wheel

Daniel already has a fascination with cars and trucks. Several times a day, he attempts to drag me to the back door in hopes that I will let him sit in the driver's seat of the jeep. He also wants to play in the cars of friends and family when they come over too. I have a feeling 16 won't come fast enough for him, but it will come all too fast for me. I've seen the evolution of his interest in cars, and his desire to be in charge. Here, Daniel (11 months) and Molly Corin are in the jeep waiting to go to a play date on the north side of town. Daniel is showing some concern that she is driving.

Next, we have Daniel (12 months) and Tav (They're just bus drivers... what do they know... yeah, very bad song allusion). I wish you could see the series of shots on this one. First was the sideways glance. Then was the head turning yell. And there was the AAAAK! Get your hand off my back and outa my seat!

And of course, here is one of our favorites, "Riding with the Homies." Who is driving? Yep, Daniel (13 months) is driving. He wouldn't have it any other way.

Not too long ago, we ran into Courtney and Cade at the Kids Exchange and Daniel (17 months) was very excited to ride on this dangerous looking thing. He completely broke down when Cade touched it. Touched it.

Yesterday, Regan and Gibson came over to play with Daniel (18 months) while I got my teeth tortured. When Daniel was trapped inside, he was livid. However, after I left, Regan got the bright idea of letting him ride at the door so he could get in and out at will and all the problems were solved!

So what are we do about this wheel happy little boy? Sure beats me.

Tooth Decay

Half my tongue and face is currently numb and I am still recovering from the near anxiety attack in the dental chair. What were supposed to be minor cavities that didn't even show up on the x-ray turned into a larger cavity and a monstrosity. The tooth in the back, the one I had asked about its discoloration for the past three visits, had a cavity so large the dentist was getting nervous about hitting the nerve. She kept drilling and drilling and my pulse got stronger and stronger until finally I just had to close my eyes and pray that God would protect that nerve, calm my "nerves", and that it would all end soon.

Going into this appointment I was under the assumption that these were tiny and I could even wait to have them treated, but according to the dentist, had I waited much longer on the back one, I may have needed a root canal. Wow!!! I'm still a little in shock. I told mom that I now totally understand why some people would opt for sedation dentistry. On the first tooth, I didn't use any numbing medicine, so when she told me the other was bigger, I said, "Na, na, na ... don't you start drilling 'till you give me some meds!" I was definitely feeling the drilling on the first one. When it was all over, I asked her to double check my other molars since apparently the x-rays don't work. She told the hygienist they needed to change the settings on the machine. I wonder how many they have missed because the pictures are too white! There are going to be some astounded people like myself six months from now.

Peppers!

Five kinds of peppers (clockwise): hot banana, anaheim, jalapeño, orange bell, and poblano. These were picked over the past two days. The anaheim peppers in the "pillar of peppers" are smaller than those in the ground, so I think they may be root bound or have suffered from fluctuating water availability. I'll stuff them with cheese and make poppers! I will probably try to can the banana peppers, but have had trouble finding a non-pickling recipe. The sweet bananas are also ripening well, and I am hoping to pick them at various shades of red, orange, and yellow give a pretty display in the jar.

Dental Hygiene Makes Him Smile

So dental hygiene really does thrill Daniel. I, however, have the not so thrilling task tomorrow of getting one cavity filled and another pre-cavity sealed. These are my first ones ever and are very tiny! As silly as it is, I feel totally humiliated and like a major failure for getting a cavity. I even called the hygienist two days ago just to make sure my new dentist wasn't crazy and just pushing services that weren't really needed - she did after all say I could wait if I wanted. Apparently she is more of the proactive type than the wait and see type. The dentist said it wasn't my fault and that I have very deep fissures that probably should have been sealed earlier to prevent cavities since the bristles of the toothbrush can't even get to the bottom of them. Still... WAAHHHHH.

Lot's of T in Training

I had wiped up four "accidents" from the kitchen floor and had settled back into preparing dinner when I felt a warm stream on my foot. So far there has been more T on the floor than in the toilet... and more tears than celebration. It could be that Daniel just isn't ready. Based on some reading and personal opinion, I've formed the seven T's of toilet training and have concluded that it just isn't Daniel's time for all-out training.

Tolerance: Does your child mind sitting in a wet or dirty diaper? Does he let you know when he needs a change? Daniel is quite happy sitting in his. If he doesn't mind being wet and dirty, then there isn't much benefit to his world for going on the potty. I suppose this is why cloth babies are rumored to potty train earlier... the cloth diapers don't wick away the wet as well, so the baby is more aware of it.

Timing: Timing is essential. Do you have the availability to camp out in the house for several days without having to run errands? Is family coming into town? It seems toddlers have had decent success with the three-day training methods, but you have to commit to him being bare-bottomed for the entirety of the three days and not have too many distractions.

Talk: Can you and your toddler have a conversation about the toilet and tee tee? Does he seem recognize when he needs to go and tell you? There's not a whole lot of talk coming from Daniel yet. I say potty and he knows exactly where it is and loves to try to flush and wash his hands, but he doesn't tell me ahead of time.

Toilet: Does he have a curiosity about the toilet? Does he associate tee tee with the potty? Does he seem comfortable sitting on the toilet? We got Daniel a potty of his own that sits on the the floor and is less scary than the adult one. So far he doesn't mind sitting on either, but is able to get on and off his potty by himself.

Temperature: Is the house warm enough for a bare bottom to not get chilly? Daniel's first evening he walked around moaning and saying "tee tee tee tee" and his bum felt a little cool, so we figured the temperature was a little too chilly for him. I read that you can put the toddler in pants without underpants to keep them warm but still encourage going on the toilet, but that didn't deter Daniel's efforts to water the kitchen floor.

Tears: Does he run around crying because he needs to go but doesn't know what to do about it? Are you crying because you have cleaned up too much pee and are running out of dry towels? I don't imagine potty training is supposed to be fun, but it shouldn't be traumatic either. Tears may indicate that there is too much pressure on the toddler and yourself.

Try Again: Are you feeling like you might be forcing the issue? Give it a rest and try at a later date. That's what we plan on doing. I think each day I will give Daniel a little bit of time to bum around bare and present him with the opportunity to use the potty, but until he seems to have more interest, I'm not going to force the issue.

If any of you more experienced moms have suggestions, I am happy to hear them!

Construction Paper Wings

Leaping from the top of the swing set in my scotch-taped construction paper wings, I quickly realized I needed some industrial strength feathers if I was going to soar. Night after night, dream after dream, I ran and burst up into the air with my arms stretch out in front of me and looked down at all the people below. The ultimate rush – liftoff, the greatest satisfaction – swooping down and up again out of everyone’s reach.

One afternoon, convinced that I could fly if I just had wings, I gathered materials together to craft my colorful mechanisms of flight. I still wonder if I could have flown had I only chosen a higher place to leap from, but scotch tape never does stick well to construction paper and the wing surface area to body mass ratio was completely off. I simply landed 0.49 seconds later on the soft grass with palms and knees to the ground - yes I calculated this. Since then, I’ve leaped from tree houses, from my parents' barn into a big pile of hay, from the Possum Creek Bridge to the water 30 feet below, and most recently an eight foot gate, but nothing quite captures the carefree exhilaration of those childhood dreams. Maybe if I use some rakes and a king-size bed sheet…

As I have grown up, my dreams of flight have dwindled. I actually make every effort possible to keep my feet on the ground which makes for pretty boring hikes in the mountains. My good friend Andrea and I sometimes share our "grown up" hopes and dreams. We get a little giddy talking about the possibilities and share a passion for using our life experiences and creative wiles to inspire and amuse those in our spheres of influence. Both of us have been blessed with very practical husbands who help us see the other side of the leap. Joe lovingly reminds me that construction paper, after all, is just construction paper. However he validates my metaphorical desire to fly and encourages those endeavors where he can see real passion, enjoyment, and not a complete drain on family finances.

Flight attempts off a swing set are not too demanding on time; however, those things which I might pursue now require much more sacrifice. Joe and I were talking about country music in the car on the way home from church - rather I was lecturing him on my music preferences and how I respect artists that write their own music so much more than those who just perform. I not-so-recently listened to an interview of one artist who loved performing so much that he had to give up writing even though it was something he really enjoyed. I realized that whether you are paid millions for doing your craft or paying money to do your craft, there are sacrifices of time. Saying yes means saying no to something else. Personally, I say no to laundry. And kitchen counters. Sometimes taking that leap means too many no's.

As my time relaxes with Daniel's increasing independence, I find myself frantically searching for the construction paper and scotch tape. He starts Mother's Morning Out one day a week in less than a month, which will give me about four uninterrupted hours a week to spend however I choose. My mind is completely blown at this point. What should I do? Write? Pottery? Exercise? Work? I feel like a kid who's been stuck inside for a long rainy week watching amazing movies but unable to let out all that crazy pent up energy.

Bubba and Susu Visit

Mom and dad came to Raleigh this weekend for a short visit. We still go back and forth on what their official grandparent names will be. Mom is happy with Susu, but dad is a man of many names, two of which are Oogie and Bubba. Mom tried combining the two as "Boogie", but I would have none of it. Daniel was saying "Bubba" pretty well, but Susu (pronounced soo-soo) still comes out like "Tzutzu", which while incorrect is quite adorable. Well, Bubba and Susu brought our vintage 1984 Cozy Coupe, which Daniel could not get enough of.


Daniel had dad push him on several (many) laps around the house and deck.


Late Saturday morning we went to Lake Johnson where there were plenty hungry ducks and geese and an old geezer sailboat race. I have a great picture of the old men that I may post later, but for now, I submitted it to The Assignment, so look for it there sometime in the coming week.


Saturday evening, we took mom and dad to Sushi Blues, their treat, and mom and dad were so brave trying a cuisine they don't regularly eat, while I ate the same thing I eat every time I go, the deep fried bagel roll. We then went for some HOT NOW Krispy Kreme where I continued to build upon my deep fried belly roll.

The really exciting news is that this week I bought a training potty off Craigslist. I tried having Daniel run around naked all afternoon which resulted in five accidents on the carpet and tears of frustration, not that I fussed at him at all, but that he didn't know what to do without a diaper on. This afternoon, he peed in his potty for the first time. I tried to play it cool and calmly congratulate him so as to not make too big a deal of it and scare him off, but I was so freaking happy. Daniel could probably tell.

Environments for Growth

My journey of motherhood began around the age of ten with a red plastic wash basin and fifteen tree frogs left out in the hot summer sun to get burned to a crisp. I never gravitated towards dolls but found other ways to express my instinct to nurture. Often, I would attempt to capture wild things like frogs and turtles and create a cozy cardboard environment, complete with toilet paper tube tunnels and transplanted ivy.

Unfortunately, some of these attempts ended in disaster such as the tree frogs which I carelessly left in the sun for hours and the injured toad that I found belly-up weeks later in the yard. Mom says I nearly squeezed the life out of a baby chick at a petting zoo when I was a toddler. Sometimes my immense fondness can be rather suffocating. Fortunately, mom and dad managed to limit the fun to outdoors and the captivity to only a few hours with the exception of the tadpoles that spilled all over the plywood flooring of the bonus room construction.

Needless to say, I was a tomboy who learned a lot early on about the delicate nature of life and the importance of the proper environment for growth. As much as I tried to create an artificial habitat for these wild critters, they would never be healthy and survive no matter how cool the cardboard contraption was. It was simply the wrong environment for them.

I have been thinking about environments for growth – for Daniel, myself, Joe and any children we might have in the future. Obviously, much more goes into our environment than just shelter, food, air and water. Sometimes physical stimuli, like piles and piles of laundry, elicit negative emotional responses, but there are also more subtle stimuli. We create environments with our words, our tears and laughter, the way we respect each other and ourselves, they way we express and receive love, and the way we extend grace and forgiveness. Sometimes we can feel suffocated in an environment, not because of the size of the room, the lighting or the noise, but because of the emotional stimuli.

As a work at home mom, it is my job to actively evaluate and tend to the environments I am either creating or allowing to transpire. In essence, the home is like my garden. Sometimes I am to the planting, sometimes the weeding. With the right balance, the family, the marriage, the children grow well. We aren’t fighting each other for sunlight or hoarding the water. When disasters hit, we have already dug our roots in deep and can weather the storms or dry spells. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the toys, the furniture and meals, and it is so hard to dig deep and tend to the others.

Three Cheese Stuffed Peppers

I love stuffed peppers, and this recipe really was geared towards using what I had on hand in the garden and kitchen. It was the first time I chose not to use rice in favor of bread crumbs and mushrooms. The aroma and flavor were excellent. Add fresh chopped hot peppers or crushed red pepper if you want some kick.

Serves 2

3 Bertha bell peppers or 4 regular bell peppers
1/2 lb lean ground beef
1 cup sliced mushrooms, crumbled
1/4 cup each grated Parmesan, shredded Mozzarella, and Feta
2 tbs Italian bread crumbs
1 egg, beaten
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 tsp salt

Preheat the oven to 400 deg F. Wash the peppers, cut off the tops and remove the seeds. In a bowl, mix the other ingredients and divide between the peppers. Stuff the peppers, lay in a glass or ceramic baking dish and place the tops back on the peppers. Cook for 45 min.

Please Exit the Library

No, Daniel and I were not formally asked to leave, but we got the look(s). In my futile attempt to be a good mother, as determined by an impossible set of societal norms, I decided to take Daniel to story time at the Cameron Village Library.

We straggled in a few minutes late and found a seat on the steps, just as the dowdy brunette with a voracious love for books and songs with hand-motions began to lay out the rules: "If your child cannot sit quietly beside you or in your lap, please take them out of the room" Okay. This was followed by a song with hand motions, during which Daniel's eyes darted around the room nervously. Why are they clapping and waving their arms, and WHY is mommy grabbing my hands and making me do it too?

Soon the song ended and a story began, and Daniel hopped to his feet and grabbed my fingers to pull me down to the floor to sit next to a gentleman and his son, who was cowering on his father's shoulder looking absolutely dejected about being coerced into toddler story time. Daniel determined it was his job to cheer the boy up and offered his blanket and my keys. After trying to sit Daniel back down no less than thirteen times, we left the room.

While over at the board books, Daniel heard singing and ran back to the room, dragging me to the very front, where I realized he only wanted to get close to the cd player so he could pounce the buttons when the brunette wasn't looking. I managed to hold him at bay but never achieved booty-floor contact as the next story began. Daniel started shaking the keys, and as I attempted to pry them from his hand, shrill screams ensued and continued as we left the room and headed out the front of the library towards the car.

I wonder, what am I doing wrong? Is it because I don't dress my child in seersuckered sailboats and slick his hair, that he doesn't sit with his arms crossed in his lap as some slightly grumpy stranger reads a book which he can't even SEE from across the room? Man, I wouldn't even do the hand motions in church choir as a child. They creeped me out. I totally get that he wasn't interested because I wasn't interested either. Granted, Daniel does need a little more training in how to behave in a library and outside the house in general, but there is no sense in setting the kid up for failure. We will just try it again at a later date and temporarily stick to activities where he can run, and tinker with buckles and gadgets, and make lots of noise.

Nothing Runs Like A Deere

This morning we met up with Courtney and Caed in Fletcher Park. They brought a tractor which was a big hit with Daniel. I absolutely love Fletcher Park and all the space for running around! We are going to make it a regular stop during the week.

Un Minut

I first heard this song in the summer of 2001 during my first summer in Romania, probably while riding in a taxi, and then later downloaded it. I cannot tell you how many times I played this on repeat and how THRILLED I was to find it on youtube. Enjoy... the song or laughing at me.

Kid's Playthings for 800, Please, Alex...

Answer: "Is He Ready for a Bike?"


What is the question we asked just before he fell over the handle bars?