As a mother, there are many complex aspects to raising a child, but on the purely animalistic level, there are only a few simple duties: keep the child fed, keep the child safe in play and sleep, and teach the child social interaction. It is no wonder that when one of those three isn't panning out, the emotional wound on a mom's heart cuts so very deep. I have a very picky eater who not only has a book long list of things he won't even try, but who also regularly drops foods from his happy list - PIZZA?? seriously? Nothing hurts more than feeling like I am daily failing at feeding him.
The absolute worst is when I pick him up from mom's morning out or a grandparent's and hear that he had no trouble with food and ate everything he was given. Sure, I am happy to hear he ate well, but this means that I am even more of a failure since someone else was able to get him to eat and I wasn't. The other thing I can't handle is a mom of pudgy toddler saying, "Well have you tried such and such?" Honestly, I'd much rather take them out with a quick blow than take their advice... sorta how I'd like to take out Barry Manilow who is disgracing my tv with his Botox and voice almost as silky smooth as his should-be-wrinkled skin on the Today Show as I type.
No, this is not my usual uplifting "Jesus will sort it out" entry. The other struggles I have blogged about were typically some experienced loss and grief that God was carrying me through. In this, I feel like my character is being constantly chiseled away at. I am in the middle of a real struggle that brings me to tears, pushes the limits of my temper, causes deep insecurity. I'm definitely not above admitting the mistakes I've made along the way in training him to eat better and in my reactions to his refusals. But on another level, I have to accept that my child is an individual. There is a very fine line between being firm and crushing a child's spirit. There is a very fine line between guiding and controlling. There is a very fine line between allowing me to feel hurt and succumbing in overly indulgent self-loathing and pity.
I get the impression that toddlers just DO that - go through a phase where they are really picky eaters. The rest of the world is changing really fast and they have no control, so they need something to be normal and under their control.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think kids also give their mom a hard time about things they don't for other people. I like to think it's because he's secure enough with you to challenge you, but it is also probably because other people are novel, and so he doesn't even think about what he's eating. Eating is just an interesting activity.
totally agree with what Amy said! I think it's an age/stage thing. Just today at the Dr. he said that in the 2nd year they just tend to be more interested in the world around them than food and that they just work off the stores from that first year. You are doing an awesome job and every child is different!
ReplyDelete"Child of Mine" by Ellen Sattyr. I've probably mentioned it before- but it's great! She has several books about food and feeding, but this is a good one to start with. Especially with the struggles you are describing.
ReplyDeleteSince I'm not raising a child, I'm PRETTY SURE that makes me an expert on how to do so. Right??! I've heard that mothers LOVE advice from non-mothers. So here's my nugget of wisdom: two words--FEEDING TUBE. Until this crisis passes, I'll bring over a feeding tube and a stethoscope and we'll get little Daniel all set up to eat through a tube. Problem solved. :) I mean, that's how we feed the babies in my NICU when they are being picky (read: can't eat on their own). Seems like the perfect solution to me. :)
ReplyDeleteHaha... Betty Anne... thanks for the laugh. It's funny, right after I ranted and even mentioned the pizza rejection, Daniel helped me scarf down two slices of supreme pizza - mushrooms, peppers, onions, meats - I mean, wow. The trick seemed to be that I was eating it and he got to eat straight off the slice in between my bites, no special cut up pieces on a toddler plate. It was mama's special food, and it wasn't too hot. This child is working me over.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you Paige. We've been in the battle with g since solids started. She doesn't even eat pizza. Our go-tos (which don't even work half the time) are pasta with butter and cheese on it or a frozen biscuit. Even then, a lot of the time there are quite a few tears and "ALL done! Down!" It's utterly and totally frustrating and defeating.
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