While at times I can be very focused on details, I tend to be more of a big picture person- I see forests, not trees. Where I struggle the most is in home making. Keeping a house in order forces me to come down out of the clouds, and I tend to get swamped down and quickly overwhelmed by the details and lose sight of the major goals: a peaceful, orderly, inviting, functional home.
Being overwhelmed by the tasks can be attributed to several causes. 1) As a group, they are very large and unending. We have just under 2,000 sq ft of house plus a garage, every square inch of which progressively gets dirtier with or without our help. 2) Pride - initially as a Phd graduate and a new mom, I struggled to see my value not in what I could do and accomplish but the attitude in which I served in whatever tasks were before me, whether writing research papers or folding laundry. 3) I feel trapped by schedules and lists. This might lead you to believe I am a type B personality, but I am an extreme perfectionist and am very uptight about particular things.
Because I am big-picture minded, I have to find the motivation to handle these tasks by seeing how they impact our family's life. I have to step back and regain a view of the forest. A very sobering thought to me is that what I do with my day and the attitude in which I do it speaks volumes as to how I view and value Joe. I absolutely buck up against the image of "the little housewife", which is another topic probably begging to be explored, but the fact of the matter is I am home a lot, I have a good bit of unproductive time during which I could accomplish some housework, I should put that time to good use.
When Joe comes home from a long day, it is disrespectful of me to allow him to go around straightening up. Sure, he's way better at it than I am, but am I not just as accountable for how I have spent my day as he is? In essence, leaving the place a mess says, "Cleaning up is beneath me and my PhD, and I'm happy to leave you with the task even though you've spent your entire day honoring us by working and keeping a good rapport with your bosses and coworkers." Joe has never said to me that he expects me to pick up and have the place spotless, but a clean house is vital to his emotional health as he walks in the door. Also, Joe's love language is acts of service. He has told me that he picks up the place as a way of loving me and Daniel. His kindness just kills me sometimes!
The other way my home making habits impact our family is the example they set before Daniel. It's my job to teach Daniel to be responsible for his possessions and his room. It is also my responsibility to show Daniel what it means for a wife to love her family and home. Of course this may look drastically different from family to family and woman to woman, but our reality is that I have the ability to clean, I'm not being asked to do it perfectly, and it makes Joe's life easier and healthier. Joe already sets an example of a dad that contributes to our home life on multiple levels: working, cleaning, playing, etc. It's time to step up my game.
Now that I'm seeing the big picture again, it's time to tackle some details (I'm off to put away laundry and a raucous train set.)
Great insight. I am proud of all you do and the thought you put into life. Some people never realize what you have just expressed.
ReplyDeletei, too have been thinking a lot about these things, especially home making. I serve matt by tidying up and doing things so that he doesn't has to, but that involves me being task-oriented. it's hard, but i love seeing Matt served, and in turn seeing him see Jesus.
ReplyDeleteI'm a Type A artist, so I get your conundrum! what if your husband would feel robbed of the opportunity to love you through cleaning if he couldn't do ANY of it? just a thought. also, have you ever heard of FlyLady? http://flylady.net/ she has a baby steps program that, one little step at a time, helps you get your house in such an order that it doesn't need much effort or time to clean. like shining your sink every night, wiping the shower down with a spare towel after every shower, wiping the sink area down with tp after you brush your teeth, unloading the dishwasher every morning first thing, and doing a medium-sized load of laundry each day to cut down on chaos. it's changed my life - though my house may still look rough sometimes. I don't keep up with it, but there's grace for that, right? :) love ya
ReplyDeletei, too have been thinking a lot about these things, especially home making. I serve matt by tidying up and doing things so that he doesn't has to, but that involves me being task-oriented. it's hard, but i love seeing Matt served, and in turn seeing him see Jesus.
ReplyDelete