So I think this baby is eager to be born. He's pushing and stretching and burrowing down and isn't all up in my ribs like Daniel was. Honestly, I'm ready for pregnancy to be over, but I'm just not too sure about labor this time around. You'd think I'd be all brave and "RAH RAH I'm a she woman who did it medication free and here I go again!" But frankly, I think I'd like them to hook me up this time around.
I labored from 4 to 7 cm at home pretty much by myself with Daniel. Joe was good at pushing his fist into my back when asked, but I mainly opted for some woman-versus-the-potty action. I used the "birth bowl" and I think I fought back against every one of those contractions. In car on the way to the hospital, I called mom and was crying because I thought I'd be asking for the pain meds and was disappointed in myself. Once we got there, it was only a couple hours before we were holding our baby boy. I managed the pain pretty well, it wasn't too traumatic, but can I just say I came out the other end looking and feeling like a fish with pop-eye and scales falling off? My right eye couldn't look straight ahead and was bloodshot, I was swollen from the neck up, my face was covered in red splotches and spots that lasted several days and I could hardly stand on my jello legs that were cocked back to my shoulders for way too long. Let's not even mention the other ways I was beat up.
Yes, yes, I consider it my blessing to go through childbirth and to have done so in a pseudo natural way in the hospital. The miracle of birth, the power of a mother's body, yada yada. I'm tired, people. Leave it to a stomach virus and not being able to eat real food for 48 hours, leave it to wrestling a toddler in Target today, leave it sleep deprivation, but I'd like to just be holding my baby and don't really care about what all happens in between. I just want us both safe and healthy. I'm sure by next week I'll be singing a different song and be full of ice cream and pregnancy bliss again, but I am guessing this exhaustion is why women typically start writing their birth plans a little earlier than 36 weeks? Maybe I should think about packing a bag. I'm so off my game.
I've decided it all happens the same no matter what - you end up with a baby. I was absolutely determined not to use pain meds, but when they rushed me to the hospital (Autumn's heart rate, which was a false alarm btw), jammed a tube up around Autumn's entire body, broke my water, and gave me pitocin, I was singing a different tune. Sure, I'd love to have a natural experience at the Birth Center in Chapel Hill, but I also would rather not have hippies brain washing me into wearing my baby all day and night (no offense if that's your thing). But whichever way it's done, whether it's what you planned for or not, you're going to end up with a beautiful baby boy. A gift. And hopefully quick healing! So here's to not thinking about it right now.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're back in my life :)
ReplyDeleteDude, I'm not even pregnant yet and I am already exhausted! I think it has turned into something with so much pressure, internal or otherwise. But like, no one trusts anyone. The Drs. are out to get you, the hippies will judge you if you don't sing the baby out etc. Here's what I am thinking, there will be maybe 2 or 3 people in that birthing room. No one has to know what goes on in there :-) It's really not anyone's business anyway!
ReplyDeleteAnd, whatever happens, you will be awesome. Because it's impossible for you to be anything else.
shoo, girl. you know I gotcher back.
ReplyDelete