At times I am 100% convinced I am just dealing with sleep deprivation until the nights I have the opportunity to sleep but am unable. It is completely unfair, but sleep deprivation can trigger the onset of PPD, and PPD can cause insomnia. Insomnia is one of the nasty symptoms of PPD that snowballs the conflicting feelings of anxiety and apathy that seem common amongst women with PPD. I've read over and over, "I just couldn't pry myself off the couch." Yesterday I had one of those days. Both kiddos were upstairs crying, and I sat downstairs completely immobilized on the couch trying to muster up the energy to go be mom. This was after four consecutive nights of getting less than four hours of sleep.
On really good days, those after reasonable sleep, I begin to think that perhaps I'm in the clear. I think about going off meds, I think about taking on new responsibilities and diving back into time consuming hobbies. Whenever I start to deny what I am dealing with, I head over to WedMD for a quick refresher of the symptoms:
If you have postpartum depression, you have had five or more depressive symptoms (including one of the first two listed below) for most of the past 2 weeks, including:1
- Depressed mood-tearfulness, hopelessness, and feeling empty inside, with or without severe anxiety.
- Loss of pleasure in either all or almost all of your daily activities.
- Appetite and weight change-usually a drop in appetite and weight, but sometimes the opposite.
- Sleep problems-usually trouble with sleeping, even when your baby is sleeping.
- Noticeable change in how you walk and talk-usually restlessness, but sometimes sluggishness.
- Extreme fatigue or loss of energy.
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, with no reasonable cause.
- Difficulty concentrating and making decisions.
- Thoughts about death or suicide. Some women with PPD have fleeting, frightening thoughts of harming their babies: these thoughts tend to be fearful thoughts, rather than urges to harm.
Yes, I can check or have been able to check off five items from that list, and this is going to take time to get in the clear. One good week doesn't negate the bad ones. Perhaps the only reason I've been able to have good weeks is because of the intervention. I'd hate to venture out with guns blazing only to be shot down to the state I was at around six weeks postpartum. Hormone levels are still out of whack and sleep is never a guarantee... and you all know how ugly the really low days can feel, whether or not you suffer from PPD.
The insomnia is something that I am attempting to get a handle on through natural methods. I don't need another bout with Ambien. I have tried Melatonin, which may or may not have been helping. Today I am starting back on Vitamin D supplements, for which I was prescribed a year and a half ago due to Vitamin D deficiency but had to stop taking when pregnant. I have read several posts of people who suffered from insomnia until they got their D deficiency under control. I'm also getting more active during the day, steering clear of caffeine, and making sure I don't go to bed on an empty stomach.
For those of you who have dealt with the insomnia that comes with PPD, what has worked for you? I would love some tips!
As you know from my post, my insomnia is what brought my depression to light. I usually try to go the natural route first. It might be melatonin, CalmEase, Magnesium and Calcium. It might be light-related. Or get some exercise. For me, I concluded that it was chemical. I needed something to hep me sleep. I take Klonopin which has helped me so much. But I wouldn't suggest it unless you need it. It is in the benzo family and it is addictive. But trust me, I NEEDED it.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is hard to resolve one without the other. I get everything you are saying. I was never one that could go back to sleep. Now? I play games on my iPhone. Nothing stimulating. I play word games. It's enough to make my brain and eyes tired and I play until literally the phone is falling out of my hand. It helps take the anxiety out of wondering if I will be able to sleep or not. Hang in there!!
Hang in there, sister. I was not diagnosed with PPD, but after reading that description, I wasn't far from it.
ReplyDeleteTake one day at a time. If you feel up to doing something on a good day - do it! You'll be happy and proud of yourself. My advice is to not make commitments days in advance. That way, if you are tired or suffering - you won't bury yourself further with guilt of breaking a commitment. You'll know when you're in the clear. You'll wake up one day, and the fog will have completely lifted.
You sound like you're getting there, but don't rush yourself! Sleep when the baby sleeps, ask for help, and rest! That will allow you to heal completely and be a whole mom in future months!
Best to you!!
Here is a web page that I found helpful.
ReplyDeletehttp://drbganimalpharm.blogspot.com/2009/11/roid-rage-vitamin-d3-do-it-part-ii.html
I have taken the high doses recommended when I was sick or if I notice the symptoms coming back in the fall, after going off D for the summer. Makes me wonder if I have a problem storing D. The high doses are consistent with the safety recommendations of the vitamin D council.
I have had trouble with insomnia for about 3 years now. Vitamin D definitely helps me. I also found that after 2 pregnancies that I was iron deficient. Correcting these two problems has helped considerably. Just make sure the doctor tests your serum iron as well as ferritin. Dr.'s consider ferritin to be the gold standard, but mine was low normal. It wasn't until she looked at the serum iron levels that the deficiency showed up. The best iron supplement I have found, producing no digestive problems, is Proferrin. Best of luck.