Garden Update

Daniel and I sometimes struggle to find our balance together outside. I want to weed or water and he wants to go on a walk to steal the water hose. I try to engage him as much as possible, but often we deal more with controlling tantrums and tears than wire grass and rogue tomato sprouts. One activity that never seems to fail us is finding the garden paths and taking turns walking down them. The tightly planted corn is now well over Daniel's head and makes for good exploring. A bottle of juice and snack also does wonders for the attitude.

The garden is growing vigorously, and my red tomato plants already have softball-sized tomatoes that I am just waiting on to ripen. The yellow zucchini seems to give me a pair of six inch ripe squash each morning, and the crookneck squash are producing large numbers of tiny little squash that I cannot keep up with. The strawberries are producing a second batch of flowers and my small herb garden is completely overgrown. Sometimes you find the perfect spot to grow something, and after last year's many wrong spots, I'm encouraged to see my plants doing well. I owe much of the success to the hours my husband spent tilling and shoveling much and compost for me. Our next step is to buy a grill so that we can do some shishkabobs as our veggies ripen. Our two portable gas camp stoves rusted out two years ago, and Joe says the $40 charcoal grill has bit the dust as well. Is anyone looking to unload a used but functional gas grill still in good repair? We might be interested!

Good Doctors

My 37 week appointment (technically 37.5 weeks) was this morning and everything went smoothly. I don't think I've gained any weight in a couple weeks, which is pretty normal considering I'm in the final stretch and there isn't much room to be stashing large pizzas and Mexican feasts. I'm doing my best to keep my feet up, the water down, and my toddler from tearing the house apart.

I hear so many people complain about doctors, specifically OBGYN practices and hospitals, and I just gotta brag on these two guys I go to. It's a small practice with amazing nurses who know me by name and are great at returning phone calls. When I first found this group, I thought it was another group with all female doctors, but about a week before my first appointment, I learned it was two male doctors. I decided just to go with it and give them a chance.

The doctor who delivered Daniel is hysterical and keeps me laughing with his very candid sense of humor. I think I had him in stitches during my labor with the questions I was asking such as, "If I get the head out, will you take care of the rest?" and "Tell me what I'm doing wrong and I'll fix it!", which was in reference to my having pushed for an hour while Daniel just played peek-a-boo with the world. His last good laugh at me was when I came to an appointment all concerned about having eaten wine sauce the night before. He and the hospital nurse did an amazing job encouraging me and helping me stick to my epidural-free plan.

The other doctor is a bit more serious and saw me through a breast infection, a miscarriage, and severe insomnia. I've thought he was a bit less personable until today when he noticed I'd done something different with my hair. Granted, I had only blown it dry and actually put on my face this morning as opposed to showing up last week in pjs and a pony tail after only two hours of sleep - but the fact that he noticed blew all kinds of preconceived notions about OBs not knowing their patients. He doesn't make me laugh, but he's real with me and takes good care of me.

They are sticking to their June 14th estimate of the due date, and I really don't have much reason to question it since Daniel showed up for his due date right before 8 AM. So, two and a half weeks to go!

Last Day of Class (Pic)

Today marks the end of Daniel's year at Mom's Morning Out. It has been a great experience for us and we're looking forward to picking it back up in the fall. This morning I dressed him in the same shirt he wore his first day and snapped a couple pictures, but the one above is my favorite because it has both my boys in it! The pictures below were Daniel at the beginning of the school year.

Coming Unhinged at Target

To make a very long story short (because my three page post was deleted by the magic that is Blogger), I went, I walked, I searched, I growled at children, I was completely defeated, I put things back on shelves and donning a dress with Chacos and no umbrella, walked to my car in the midst of a torrential downpour with a sopping wet stack of unused coupons and not a single bag of goods after spending nearly an hour and a half in Target.

About two minutes into my drive home, the rain let up and I called my mom sobbing out tears of self-pity and loathing of coupons and unruly children. She assured me that coupons were primarily a marketing ploy to get you to buy things you don't need, and she had me laughing at what a picture I must have made for the people hovering at the doors of Target staring at the rain as I very pregnant and very slowly, passed through the crowd and unflinchingly trudged to my car, which was not parked near the door.

After nap time, I loaded up my people into the Jeep, I dropped them off at Bojanges and went next door to Walmart where I filled my cart with produce, dairy, two weeks or more of meat, juice, every last can of Carnation Instant Breakfast on the shelf, and was out of there in under 30 minutes to pick up my boys. I had left my stack of coupons at home and only grabbed the couple ones I needed - juice, Daniel's favorite snacks, and cereal. Ironically, some of my purchases came with coupons attached to the packaging. The best part is that I escaped with the remnants of my sanity still intact.

I think I've come to realize that couponing just doesn't work for me. It doesn't align with some of my ultimate food goals and ends up driving my purchases rather than acting as a supplement. I do want to establish a system for our family, however. My haphazard shopping and lack of planning has lead to frequent visits to local eateries, which financially and health-wise isn't working for us. Here are some of my goals. Please feel free to help me brainstorm! And please, don't bother telling me about how coupons are wonderful and do work and all that. I'll keep my eyes open for coupons for the things we regularly use (yogurt, cereal, juice, cereal bars) but I won't be spending hours searching and clipping any longer, and I won't be store hopping to chase the deals - except perhaps for diapers and wipes. We seriously rarely buy chips, snacks, deserts, specialty items, etc, so most (not all) coupons don't serve us much purpose.

Without further ado, family food goals:

• Minimize the purchase of prepared foods, those high in preservatives, salts, or more than 5 ingredients on the label.
• Primarily shop the center aisles for things such a baking supplies (grains, flour, noodles, spices, broth, tortillas, etc).
• Utilize my bread maker several times a week.
• Increase consumption of fruits and veggies.
• Buy meat fresh in bulk or when on discount and freeze.
• Cook a meal on the weekend that is good for freezing as single servings for Joe to take to work.
• Plan out weekly meals to be made from scratch that are both simple and healthy... and Joe approved.
• Shoot for grocery shopping only one day a week.
• Limit the grocery store shopping to things that I can't make from scratch (or with relative ease), can't get at the Farmer's Market, or don't grow in my garden.

He Said, She Said

Daniel: Kiss booty.

Me: No, I'm not going to kiss your booty.

Daniel: Kiss bott?

Me: No.

Daniel: Sorry mama.


... and another one from yesterday

Me: Daniel's a monkey. Ooh Ah Ah!

Daniel: Mommy's monkey! Ooh Ah AHHHHHHHH!

Me: Daniel's a monkey. Ooh Ah Ah!

Daniel: No. Monkey, no. Daniel SHEEP. Bah bah bah.

Pea Plot Pulled

So I was going to title this one "You dooze you lose," but I figured that was a little to crass even for my tastes. My peas reached the end of harvest sometime last week while I was quarantined in the bathroom with a stomach virus, so now I have a pail full of overripe peas. The only thing these are good for is replanting, so I will shell them, let them dry out and save them for the fall or next spring. Anyone who'd like free peas for planting, give me a holler. They are just about the most easy thing to grow and require very little attention - just timely picking.



I'm a very young gardener, young in that I have only been gardening a couple years. The mistake I make time and time again is allowing something that is not producing well, or producing something that I don't like to keep growing in my garden. It seems harmless enough, but when I thought about it, those plants I no longer enjoy are taking up space, water, and nutrients that I could devote to something else. Last year, my neighbor grew tons and tons of squash. I have no idea how much he froze, but he said his storage freezer was full and he didn't want anymore. One day I went outside and he was pulling up these perfectly healthy, still producing squash plants. I was a little shocked. Sure, perhaps he could have donated the extra produce to a charity, but you know what, he was done with squash and had every right to pull up those plants.

Today, I pulled up all my peas and nearly all the lettuce. I have yet to even try the lettuce. My fridge is full of it, so I will at least make one salad before giving the rest away. But the fact of the matter is, I am done with peas and lettuce. I'm not a huge lettuce person anyhow - unless it's on a turkey sandwich (not allowed to eat deli meats during pregnancy) or unless it's couple with some chopped up fried chicken, hard boiled eggs, fresh tomatoes and peppers, cheese, and ranch dressing. I mainly planted the lettuce because I had several old packets of seed and thought, "Why not?" Well I now know I can grow lettuce and if my tastes change, I'll plant the spring mix in shady planters and the romaine in the nice boxes and whatever that curly stuff was in a shady planter as well.

The best part? I have a new, unused garden bed that I can fill with something yummy or just something pretty. I haven't decided yet. 

Tough Hearts, Soft Hearts

I love the paradox of gentle toughness. I see it primarily in the life of Jesus with his deep sensitivity to the hearts of people and his ability to shoulder the greatest verbal and physical insults. It would seem that truly tough people would also lack tenderness. My own son defies this as he shows great awareness of people around him, concern when someone is upset, and checks on me when I cry; but when he falls and scrapes his knee, he might cry for a second but quickly is ready to keep playing. Daniel is such a sweet little boy clamoring for snuggles on the couch and kisses at bed time and yet so tough not letting bumps and bruises get in the way of his goals. It makes me proud to be his mama. (Of course now he is wailing at me because the band aid is bothering his knee.)

This paradoxical character doesn't develop for everyone, and Jesus (who knows no sin) and a toddler (who knows no suffering) probably aren't the best examples for understanding how to develop this in our own lives. David's Psalms best reflect a truly stubborn and selfish man who is completely wrecked by God's goodness - and the resulting toughness and deep humility, passion and sensitivity are phenomenal. I will always love Lamentations 3 as well, which contrasts suffering and pain with waiting quietly for God's salvation. Personally, I don't consider myself a person who has suffered much, though I have endured struggles and disappointments. Had these been allowed to fester and become points of bitterness, I can imagine my heart developing thick callouses preventing me from feeling the bad and the good, but yes, making me very tough.

I believe that as we endure struggles through the lens of Jesus and his Grace, instead of building up a shield around our hearts, He strengthens the heart itself, enabling it to endure more difficult obstacles and also enabling it to love more deeply with even greater gentleness. Often, I've chosen the first path of resentment towards my obstacles or rejection. The repercussions on my soul created an environment that nearly eroded my ability to feel anything except my anger and frustration. Everything in my life became a reaction to that initial insult and everything was then bread out of that pain. I really didn't like what I saw when I looked at my heart. However in times when I've reached out to God for healing and understanding, my life began reflecting his goodness. It seemed that subsequent trials and pain felt sharper and stung more deeply but injured me less. I didn't lie in my pain, but knew how to find heeling. I knew how my temptations for resentment would attack, and I got myself ready.

I think the most difficult trials are those which steadily and quietly take hold of our hearts. The ones where we find ourselves untethered from the dock and drifting out from shore. It's the quiet exhaustion that comes from days and then weeks of just maintaining pace. It comes from failing to daily align the heart with scripture. It comes with delaying the processing of the quiet convictions on our hearts. We develop callouses not from bitterness and suffering, but from failing to worship God in the both the trials and the times of ease. Our hearts grow relaxed, as if we've sucked down one too many margarita's on the beach and failed to see a small army of red crabs with pinchers extended encircling our lounge chair. Had we only been ready and alert, we could be having crab legs for dinner! But alas, this is going to hurt.

This is where I find myself. I've been at ease in general, and I see that I'm about to go through an extreme emotional and physical test going from one kid to two. I should be more prepared. (I also really wish I could have been sipping margaritas.) I've been made tough in the past, but I've let down my guard. Buying pacis, mattress pads, and stocking up on diapers isn't the preparation that is needed. It's time to be in prayer and scripture.

Belly Pic, 36 Weeks 1 Day

Nesting, but not Squatting on Eggs Yet

It makes me a little batty when a woman, only 2 months after she gets knocked up, claims to be nesting. No, you are not nesting. You just have a wreck of a home and need to do something about it. What, you've started your baby registry at 11 weeks? No, you are not nesting. You just can't resist the pull of American materialism. Likewise, I don't really like being told I'm nesting. Not every action I take during the course of pregnancy is in response to some hormonal imbalance or primal instinct. Sometimes I fold laundry because I can't see the bedroom floor. Sometimes I clean down the sides of the stove because I can't find the source of the stink in the kitchen.

However, I am 36 weeks today and I am nesting... not nesting as in that sudden burst of energy in the hours before labor that sends a woman into her bathroom with a toothbrush and a cup of suds to scrub down that nasty crevice between the toilet and floor, but the nesting that sends a woman to her pantry to assess her supply of paper and plastic products so that she doesn't have to worry about the dishes for a couple weeks after the baby is born.

Yesterday I went to Kroger to stock up on plates, bowls, utensils, baby detergent, and more diapers. I also had Joe burn me a cd of some artist he was listening to that I thought was nice and relaxing and would be good for labor. Today I actually did put some laundry away. Hello, floor! Today, I also wrote my labor/birth/hospital/visiting/meals plan in which I let everyone know their role and established some boundaries that will hopefully help keep me sane while in the hospital and in the weeks following. This afternoon or tomorrow I will go to Babies R Us to get a third waterproof mattress pad because while Daniel is potty training, two covers between two kids won't be enough. Who knows, maybe tonight I'll pack a bag, burn more music, or wash the baby's clothes...

Sorry there's no picture. I'm not feeling too cute this week. Maybe tomorrow?

Just Being Real for a Moment

So I think this baby is eager to be born. He's pushing and stretching and burrowing down and isn't all up in my ribs like Daniel was. Honestly, I'm ready for pregnancy to be over, but I'm just not too sure about labor this time around. You'd think I'd be all brave and "RAH RAH I'm a she woman who did it medication free and here I go again!" But frankly, I think I'd like them to hook me up this time around.

I labored from 4 to 7 cm at home pretty much by myself with Daniel. Joe was good at pushing his fist into my back when asked, but I mainly opted for some woman-versus-the-potty action. I used the "birth bowl" and I think I fought back against every one of those contractions. In car on the way to the hospital, I called mom and was crying because I thought I'd be asking for the pain meds and was disappointed in myself. Once we got there, it was only a couple hours before we were holding our baby boy. I managed the pain pretty well, it wasn't too traumatic, but can I just say I came out the other end looking and feeling like a fish with pop-eye and scales falling off? My right eye couldn't look straight ahead and was bloodshot, I was swollen from the neck up, my face was covered in red splotches and spots that lasted several days and I could hardly stand on my jello legs that were cocked back to my shoulders for way too long. Let's not even mention the other ways I was beat up.

Yes, yes, I consider it my blessing to go through childbirth and to have done so in a pseudo natural way in the hospital. The miracle of birth, the power of a mother's body, yada yada. I'm tired, people. Leave it to a stomach virus and not being able to eat real food for 48 hours, leave it to wrestling a toddler in Target today, leave it sleep deprivation, but I'd like to just be holding my baby and don't really care about what all happens in between. I just want us both safe and healthy. I'm sure by next week I'll be singing a different song and be full of ice cream and pregnancy bliss again, but I am guessing this exhaustion is why women typically start writing their birth plans a little earlier than 36 weeks? Maybe I should think about packing a bag. I'm so off my game.

Who's the Boss?

I get bossed around all day, every day. And my boss is barely over three feet tall with shoes on. Don't worry, I boss back and set boundaries, but it is just about all the bossing I can handle, so when I come downstairs in the morning and the cat starts whining at me to feed her, it makes me a little angry. Every morning I give her the following lecture.

Cat, shush. You are not the number one priority right now. My first goal is to get chocolate milk into Daniel's belly. My second goal is to get chocolate milk into my belly. Then, it might be your turn.

Her response is to lecture back and run to her bowl any time I walk across the kitchen in that direction. Sadly the fridge is in that direction so she gets tricked often.

Yesterday morning, I wised up and asked Daniel to feed the cat. He did it perfectly. My hope is that soon the cat will start to whine at him and not at me. There should be a pecking order in the house, and let me assert once and for all, the cat is not the top pecker. Really, I can't figure out who is top pecker these days, but when you get pecked from the inside and out, life is bound to be confusing. Daniel fed the cat again this morning only needing a little help opening the food lid. I knew my two-year-old would be helpful eventually.

My growing resentment towards being bossed cost me my lunch today. I planned on eating at Chick-fil-A after our stop at Target, but as I was loading up the car, there was a lady outside Chicky on a loud speaker, yelling, "Come eat at Chick-fil-a". We got in the car and drove home.

Four more weeks to go, my friends.

The Battle is Over

If you are my friend on Facebook, you may or may not have taken recent notice of my ongoing battle with a family of mocking birds who nested in the Jessamine growing on the trellises in the back yard. For the most part, we didn't really mind each other that much, but I noticed them trailing me around the back yard to make sure I didn't come too close to their nest, squawking at me anytime I was near the trellises. The battle intensified the day Daniel and I set up the kiddie pool at the base of the Sweetgum, which they often paused in before entering the Jessamine jungle.

About two weeks ago, the eggs hatched and then ensued the constant peeping. Honestly, I really admired the parents because they worked so hard to keep their little ones fed, and it seemed no matter how many bugs and worms they returned with, the chirps only grew in strength. This was about the same time they started fussing at me no matter where in the yard I walked, sitting on the banister of the deck while I watered my the sprouts near the trellises, following my to the front yard when I checked on the callas poking up from the mulch, patronizingly perching on the neighbor's gutter when I watered my side garden. This was about the time this was my status:

I think an experiment in natural selection is in order. Lazy, yacking cat versus angry, dive bombing mocking birds. Clean laundry squatter versus future tomato peckers. Either way, I come out a winner. Yes. I know I am in desperate need of Jesus.

... and this one:

The crazy mocking birds follow me around the yard flapping their wings at me telling me to leave their babies alone. What do I do? I flap my arms back at them. I've now gone from the preggers neighbor who's always got her booty in the air as she pulls weeds to the crazy preggers neighbor who dukes it out with birds.

Yesterday as I was watering the gardens, my neighbors asked if the babies were still there. I hadn't even noticed, but the parents weren't fussing at me and I was very close to the nest. As I went a little closer and I heard angry squawking behind me, but when I turned around, they were way up in the pine trees dive bombing a crow. It was a three-on-one battle, and the crow soon retreated to another neighbor's roof and then vanished from our line of sight. Only a month ago, there was a pair of hawks dive bombing what I can only imagine was that same crow. I don't know much about crows, but based on the concern of the parents, I assume they were protecting their young who had recently vacated the nest and were exploring the magnolias and dogwoods. I hope they continue to ward off the crows, because I think that crow only sits in the tall pine tree that is directly over my corn. I know he's waiting just as eagerly as I for harvest.

Later that evening, I returned to the nest. I had never come close enough to the nest to be able to see it before then, so I first looked up through the Jessamine canopy to see where it was. Then, I stood on my tiptoes, stretched up my arms and shoved my camera deep into the thick Jessamine to snap a picture. Not a baby was in there, just an empty nest bits of down and feathers. Though I was worried about what might have happened to baby birds, we heard the familiar young peeps from around the yard when we came in for dinner.

Garden Pics

Pictured: tomato blossom, pea garden and path, corn and pole beans, row garden (tomatoes, squash and watermelon), onions and romaine, squash blossoms

This is the fun time of year in the garden for me. The mosquitoes aren't too angry, the tree pollen has subsided, and there is occasionally a cool breeze. Last year I did a lot of assisted pollination of my squash plants, but this year they seem to be setting fruit just fine on their own. While my Carolina Jessamine is no longer attracting drones of bumble bees to my yard, there is plenty clover to keep them interested. With the recent wind and breezes, I'm fairly certain the tomatoes don't need any help either. Most tomatoes are self pollinators (meaning each flower contains all it needs to create fruit) and pollinate by vibrations to the flower, although bees can still transfer pollen from one flower to another. If you are interested in assisted pollination, I have several links to the right with some information I found last year.

I've already harvested a fair amount of peas. No one in our house really loves peas, so I won't do anymore plantings and use what I have in some chicken fried rice where we won't notice them too heavily and freeze whatever is left. Last year I'd eat them straight from the pods as I tinkered in the gardens, but chalk it up to being more tired than usual and an unhealthy interest in ice cream, there hasn't been as much tinkering or grazing. I'm hoping they will finish blossoming soon so that I can pull them out and reset the poles they have  toppled before either planting more pole beans or relocating a couple tomato plants who've informed me that they aren't pleased with their current locations. I've got twenty-two tomato plants in the back yard, five of which aren't showing enthusiastic growth due to shadier than optimal conditions and very tight soils. They are still small enough that a relocation shouldn't upset them. I have two plants that I allowed to come up on their own from the compost I spread, and I'm super curious to see what kind they are. Most likely they will be little yellow ones since those dropped tomatoes everywhere last summer.

Five Weeks, Three Projects

I am five weeks out from my due date and thought it would be an excellent idea to come up with five projects around the house, one for each week. Then, I changed that to three projects just in case the baby is two weeks early.

Five Weeks, Three Projects

Project: Paint master bath
Tasks:
1) Wipe down walls and trim
2) Wipe and scrape that nasty edge at the top of the shower
3) Putty and sand chipped edges at top of shower
4) Putty and sand really crappy job the builders did at the base of the garden tub
5) Tape every edge
6) Paint
7) Caulk top edge of shower

On second thought, this job is clearly too big for me and would involve standing on chairs. Scratch.

Project: Trim Hedges in front of house
Tasks:
1) Post something on Facebook about needing to borrow electric hedge trimmers
2) Wait for a response
3) Pick up hedge trimmers from generous friend
4) Start hacking into the sides of the bushes
5) Throw myself into the sharp pokey sides of the bushes to start hacking at that corner of the top way over my head
6) Lean out the windows with the hedge trimmer to get to the back sides and the tops
7) Pick up clippings and stuff into several large bags.

On second thought, this has as many tasks as the previous project and even more acrobatics. Stratch.

Project: Hang blackout shades in Master and guest rooms
Tasks:
1) Find the measuring tape in the garage
2) Measure the widths and heights of the windows
3) Look on jcp.com
4) Re-measure and WRITE DOWN measurements of the windows
5) Spend hours debating which color to get and whether or not to subtract ⅛” from the width as recommended.
6) Order shades
7) Climb up on a chair with an electric drill and make pilot holes for the mounts
8) Switch out drill bit for screw driver and do mounts
9) Spend hours figuring out how to attach shades in mounts

You guessed it. Scratch.

Five Weeks, Three Tasks

1) Keep toddler from smacking my belly
2) Keep belly filled with ice cream in between meals
3) Buy sleep mask

Happy Mother's Day!

This Mother's Day Joe and Daniel surprised me with a plum tree. Not long ago I told Joe that I always prefer getting trees or shrubs over bouquets of flowers, and so the boys picked this out while I was at a shower yesterday and planted it for me this afternoon. We have quite a nice little border of fruit trees growing out by the garage now. Thanks, boys!

We Joined the Country Club

I can't tell you how often I feel the envy rise in my blood when I see pictures of friends' beach vacations or read about yet another date night or impromptu road trip via Facebook updates. I am just not good at being "not the jealous type". Last week I was starting to feel a little sorry for myself, but then I realized, I'm 29 (yes, I am implying that is young). I have a toddler and am expecting another baby in several weeks. I have a husband who has managed to find that delicate balance of hard work and quality time with the family. I only work part time from home. We keep our house at 70 degrees at night and occasionally let food go to waste in the fridge while going out for sushi. What do I really expect?

I'm learning to take my luxury in small doses! I was just on the phone with mom telling her how my standards seem to have shifted in the past couple years, and there are some afternoons sitting by the Walmart kiddie pool with my feet propped up that I feel so darn glamorous, like the luckiest woman in the world. Welcome to our country club! The best part is there are no skinny bleach blonds with their just barely chubby toddlers dressed in seersucker to judge me in my purple tank top and green gym shorts as I sip on ice water and share a box of Cheese-It crackers with my toddler who is probably in the middle of his week-long hair cut where I get to the back one day, the right side the next, the left side the day after that, and trim up the stragglers the last two days. This life, this season is absolutely precious, and there is not a moment to waste on envy or wishing or being anything less than absolutely grateful for what I've been given.

Pajama Day (AKA Ambien Withdrawal)

I went to bed at 10:30 last night and lied there until 12:45 when I took half of a small half of an Ambien. At 4:30 I was still awake. At 6:30 I realized I'd been dreaming and was unfortunately awake again. I might have had as little as thirty minutes of sleep, and definitely no more than two. I probably woke up at 6:30 because Joe was leaving for work and had to come into the guest room where he'd gone to bed and left his phone when he came to comfort me in our room and then slept there by himself when at 3:15 I went to try and sleep in the guestroom. We played musical beds, but take out the music and add in some tears.

Daniel and I stayed in pajamas all day. I actually took a shower and put on some clean pajamas. Driving is just not a good idea on pajama days, and when a girl is 34 1/2 weeks pregnant, pajamas always seem like the best choice. We also watched a lot of PBS Kids. At this rate, I should probably start making a yearly donation.

I'm hoping that last night was the worst of it. At some point, my brain has to shut off, right? What was really surprising to me was how active baby Puckett was in the early hours of the morning. Usually, I'm too knocked out to be woken up or even to have memorable dreams. He was more active than he ever is during the day. I'd better not get any false notions that once he's born I'll start sleeping well!

Snapshots from the Garden

1) rosemary, garlic and lavender, 2) tomatoes and butterstick zucchini, 3)peas, 4) container potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, zucc, 5) strawberries, 6) peas

Going Off Ambien

My insomnia typically involves me waking up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back asleep for several hours. That window fluctuates, but it usually between 2 and 5 am. Ambien has been great at helping me fall back asleep when I wake up, but only if I take the full dose at bed time. Cutting back on Ambien or fulling stopping it has a very nasty side effect of rebound insomnia. If I cut it back, I still fall asleep at the beginning of the night and return to my normal habit of wakefulness between 2 and 5 am. If I totally go off it, I can't fall asleep until 4 am, no matter what I do physically/emotionally to prepare.

Once my baby is born, I can't be on Ambien because it turns me into a total zombie, and I need to be available for 'round the clock service. Therefore, I've started cutting back my dose in preparation for the big day. This means I'm going to sleep, but not staying that way for very long. I don't know when I woke last night, but I know at 5:15 am I was still awake and finally slept just long enough to dream about 1) being awake at 5:15 am, 2) scrubbing grimy surfaces with a wet washcloth, and 3) trying to talk my sister-in-law into adopting my cat.

In a couple more days I hope to go off Ambien completely (at least until the baby is sleeping most of the night), but I am really dreading the listless changing of sides, rearranging of pillows, and trips to the bathroom. Those are normal to pregnancy, but add in lightning flashes to the brain that jar me into full alertness and twitches of fully exhausted limbs that are angry I am not sleeping, and it's just miserable. I know last night was rough because I spent an hour or two at the pottery wheel and my back was very sore... and we ate freezer pizza for dinner.

Assuming I take Tylenol, a warm bath before bed, and sleep in the guest room to avoid any disturbances from the hubby (and to allow him to get some sleep), does anyone have any other recommendations to help me get to sleep? Have any ex-Ambienites out there successfully averted the rebound insomnia? I'm one of those folks that gets wired by benadryl, so Tylenol PM is out. Melatonin's effects on pregnancy are unknown, so that one is out too.

He Said, She Said

Paige: Sweetheart, will you come take a cell phone picture of me?

Joe: What for?

Paige: Because I am so darn sexy right now.

(belly pic: 33 weeks, 6 days)