Response to "Redeeming Christmas"

I’ve been thinking a lot on Christmas, not the season of good cheer and even greater consumerism, but the season when followers of Jesus take time to reflect on the birth of their Savior. The older I grow, the less “magic” I feel during this season. I still love the holiday music and decorations (and yes, gifts), but my soul isn’t stirred. Jesus spoke to a Samaritan woman saying that soon God’s people would worship in spirit and in truth. That is supposed to be us! I believe that my coolness towards Jesus on Christmas isn’t due to the weather but the simple fact that worship is meant to be singular. Jesus’ name cannot be followed by an “and” as the object of my worship.

My birthday is this Saturday, and I was thinking, “Wouldn’t it be weird if on my birthday all my friends and family started making lists of the things they wanted and bought gifts for each other from those lists and then sang a couple songs about me?” I suppose that would be fun, but I might feel just a little forgotten.

It seems Satan’s ongoing strategy is to redirect our attention to ourselves turning what is good into something destructive. God gives us marriage and sex to show us a glimpse of the community found within the trinity, and Satan convinces us that marriage is meant to serve us and about what we can get out of the relationship. Satan takes the most selfless act in all eternity, God sending his son to restore his people to himself, and turns the celebration of this into a celebration of ourselves.

Pastor Matt Stevens wrote a great article “Redeeming Christmas” and asks, “What’s the solution for followers of Christ? Do we burn the tree, tear down the decorations, and dump out the green bean almondine?” Honestly, when I feel conviction on my heart about my failure to worship Jesus and my personal idolatry, my reaction is to scream, “We’re not doing Santa with our kids! Let’s cancel the gifts! Let’s give away all our kids’ toys to charity! Let’s uninvite our friends to dinner and pick up some shady characters off the street to eat turkey with us!” Maybe some of these could be good things, but my reaction is to do something to make me feel better, once again taking the focus off my Savior and placing it onto myself.

What was the first Christmas celebration like? The angels filled the sky and sang a message of hope, salvation, and joy!

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

I’m guessing those poor shepherds ran to meet Jesus faster than they’d moved since they were little boys. They left his side singing of the glory of God. They left changed men!

Pastor Matt writes,

Who will redeem this holiday, if not the church? Instead of judging those who do not know the truth, sing the truth of God with greater fervor and more confidence than anyone’s ever heard... The world has been changed, we have been freed from the slavery of sin and selfishness, and we have the message of true hope.

I know the holidays can be the most stressful time for people. There are too many traditions to cover, too many miles to travel, too many gifts to buy, too many holiday cards to mail last minute because someone not on your list sent one to you, family steps on each other’s toes, “Christmas Shoes” was played for the 37th time on the radio, and the kids are whiney. Isn’t this what Jesus came to free us from? – tradition, merely civil relationships, selfishness, one-upsmanship, kitschy valueless music?

Uninhibited joy is what I see the birth of Jesus beckons. I see people that crave to spend time in his presence, traveling for two years in the case of the wisemen to do so. If I find myself cool in the Christmas season, perhaps it isn’t because of his lack of warmth. I just need to move in closer.

First Born in Flight

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

Friday Faces: Food Face

I asked for food faces and you crowded my inbox with cuteness! Here is this Friday's batch of food faces. If you would like to get in on the action, I will post another batch next Friday.

 by Brandy P. from "Ryleigh in Raleigh"

by Dee Dee S.

by Jessica O. 

by Kathy from "Goodness" 

 by Kim S. from "It's Funny to Me"

by Melanie H. from "The Hippie Hickster"

Bubble Wrap

Bubbles. Lot's of Bubbles.

Yesterday morning while I was in the shower, Daniel dumped the baby shampoo in the bath tub.

That afternoon I decided to make the most of the spilled soap and treat myself to a Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" moment.

It literally was only a moment before Daniel snuck out of his nap and discovered "BUBBLES!"

This soon deteriorated into utter chaos.

CHAOS.

A Funeral

I've been watching the leaves. This morning they were absolutely stunning as they glowed in the shy morning light and glistened with the early drops of a gentle rain. There is something intensely heartbreaking about the leaves. Perhaps it is their fleeting beauty, the frailty by which they cling to blackened branches, the gracefulness of their decent into piles of fallen friends.

There is something so profound about the falling leaves and how they mirror our lives, reminding us of our own mortality. As we all stand enamored with the beauty of the leaves during their few final moments before returning to the dirt, I can't help but wonder why we don't look on our elderly with the same awe - why we don't revel in their beauty and wisdom. Could it be that we begin to grieve before they are even gone?

I visited my grandmother hours before she passed. I missed that opportunity with my grandfather and had much more difficulty letting go. I loved them so much and still do. Losing them shook me to the core. We look at falling leaves knowing they fall only for a season and will return again, yet I think we struggle to apply that same hope to the ones we love. They only leave us for a season, yet we walk in the sorrow of having lost them for all eternity. However the same resurrection that God paints all through nature is offered to us.

I wrote this poem some time after losing my grandmother.

The sorrows of generations rest not ‘neath the ground
with the passing of our mothers and our fathers.
No, they rise forth again through grass and leaves
settling on roof tops and in our soup bowls.
And we continue to slurp down the poison,
till we too grief-stricken walk forth in sorrowed steps.
And yet, hope hovers o’er the graves
clinging to our linen shirts and dresses
as we move lifting prayers in passing.
That hope brushes off fingertips onto faces
as a breadcrumb is swept from the lip.
Hope flavors life, filling hearts with determination.
It intertwines with the taste of sorrow in our mouths,
and we continue in our steps with purpose,
knowing they are not in vain.
In hope and sorrow we see mirrored faces.
We see who we once were,
who our mothers and our fathers once were,
who we are to be --
And we bid them all farewell.

Friday Faces: Next Challenge

It's time for a new challenge! I want to see your best food face. This can be of you, a kid, a pet, ... a stealth shot of a stranger, or even a potato chip with Obama's face in it. Have fun, get smacking and start clicking! Submissions are due by next Wednesday (11/17), and if you want an email reminder, just leave me a comment below.

It’s About Expectations: Response to “Happiness in Parenting”

This morning, Sue Robinson over at “Motherhood & Me” posted an article in which she discusses her lack of happiness in parenting and lays out the difference between loving her children and loving the act of parenting. I’ll admit I had to look up the definition of happiness because happiness isn’t something I think about often. I’ve always placed happiness and enjoyment on the backburner to satisfaction and joy – or taking pride in hard work and results, which I believe are attainable even in difficult circumstances. It turns out that these are synonyms of happiness, so I’ve now got something to work from.

I appreciate Sue’s honesty as she writes

I love my kids, but I dread the day-to-day parenting. Does this mean I don’t love my children? It sure feels like it, when you think back to your day and you can’t think of one enjoyable thing about it. Are all my days like this? No, but to be honest, the majority are.

I resonate with her on some level. Parenting is work. It is most definitely an unpaid job, and I would guess that many if not most mothers entered parenting with visions of long peaceful snuggles on beds made of cloud-like pillows saturated in the scent of clean baby only to find themselves at 3 am rocking a crying baby and smelling crusty spit up and the diaper pail that they neglected to clean because of exhaustion. There are many days I am counting down until bedtime and just want to crawl into a closet and hide from all the whining and little fingers that pull my out hair and grab for my attention. Some days I am really tired of wiping booties and begging the toddler to eat one more bite of lunch.

However, I think Sue is spot on when she talks about faulty expectations.

I believe that I was wrong in believing that having children would somehow define me as a person. I truly believed that by having children I would be eternally happy, feel ultimately fulfilled and be the shiny goddess of motherhood.

I think these expectations really do shape our perception of happiness as we think of parenting. When we feel disappointment in our abilities, emotions or even our kids, happiness can be fleeting. When we meet or exceed our expectations, we somehow have a greater capacity to feel happiness.

Honestly, I was really nervous about having my first kid and absolutely terrified of having a second. My sister and I had a long standing agreement that she would take my kids until they were five or six and then return them to me because I don’t really like babies. Of course we were half-joking, but I was under no illusions that this time of life would be rosy. When I look at my expectations, many were met.

I expected to be overwhelmed. I expected it to take me awhile to bond with my babies, unlike some women who fall head-over-heels instantly. I expected discipline to be a chore. I expected to really miss shopping by myself. I expected I would get really annoyed with all the noise. I expected there would be days I didn’t really like my kids. So there were not a whole lot of surprises to throw me off guard and leave me hugely disappointed in myself. I realize how incredibly pessimistic this all sounds, but I wouldn’t have had children were there not also positive expectations. I expected to really enjoy the companionship. I expected to love unconditionally. I expected to find fulfillment in nurturing them. I expected to enjoy making them laugh.

Beyond those initial expectations of parenthood, problems occur on a daily basis when I expect too much of myself and my kids or just flat out want to be lazy. Sometimes this because I am looking at what other moms are able to accomplish and get overwhelmed, sometimes it is because I get fed up doing the same daggone things every day, sometimes it’s because I feel lost in this vortex of parenting in which I never ever get enough sleep, never get the house cleaned and never read enough books to my kids. I get pretty annoyed at myself and feel like a failure.

Part of enjoying parenting or finding happiness in parenting for me is seeing the results of the time and energy I put in. I think every mom needs to step back and congratulate herself for each day her child is still alive, fed, and has a clean booty. These expectations aren’t too high, right? Next, I think we can enjoy seeing our child walk himself to time-out instead of dragging him there kicking and screaming. This means a lot of conversations have taken place, a lot of patience and grace have been given, and soon we get to hear, “Sorry Mommy. Love you.” While I don’t enjoy the fight that led to time out, I enjoy the reconciliation and seeing very slowly his behavior improve and his character be shaped.

I rarely ever exercise, but I imagine that parenting is much like going to the gym. The harder you work in the gym, the stronger you become and the more pleased you are with yourself. You don’t necessarily enjoy lifting the weights as your muscles are screaming in agony, but you sure do enjoy getting that extra large plate of pasta for dinner. You go to sleep knowing you gave it your best.

Most importantly, I think the key to finding happiness in parenting is taking it day to day while keeping the long-range goals in mind. Practically, this means forgive yourself for yesterday. Be okay with the fact that sometimes playtime is incredibly boring. Move on… and as you make playdough snakes for the fifth time this week, enjoy that he’s now rolling eyeballs for the snakes by himself. Have your kids help you out as much as they are able because it's never too early to teach them responsibility and secretly they crave it. Don’t be so hard on yourself but work as hard as you can and look hard for the evidences that what you do really does matter.

Working Through Discipline

I’ve been wrestling a lot with the concept of discipline. There are patterns in my toddler’s life that could be attributed to a phase or just personality, but some of these are also things that do require some shaping and directing. Specifically, we are dealing with whining and hoarding, but really it could be anything. It would be easier to choose to overlook the behaviors and attitudes, but it would give them a much more difficult life ahead. To not establish boundaries for them would be to love them far too little.

Here’s the best definition I can come up with for my desired approach. Discipline is my reaction to my child’s choices that helps enable him to see the causes and effects of his actions and behavior so he can better understand the condition of his heart and learn to be both an independent and empathetic member of society. My reactions can be boundary settings, rewards, critique, praise, or punishment, but it must be appropriate to the circumstance.

This morning at the park, I was trying to get Daniel to follow me to the car and he chose to start whining and screaming that he wanted to play more. The form of communication he was using definitely revealed his inner emotions, but it was disrespectful to me and to everyone else around. Calmly, I chose to set him on a bench and told him that he wasn’t allowed to speak to me that way, but that I would be happy to talk to him once he calmed down. I then walked a few paces away and looked at things with Matthew. My reaction was to remove his privilege of communication with me until he chose to do so in a more appropriate manner. When I am at home, sometimes I whine back in his face for a second and then ask him if he liked that. Of course, he doesn’t and we talk about how that’s how I feel when he whines at me.

Yesterday I took Daniel to school and was pretty proud that we’d made it to the classroom door without any toys from home. Daniel then reached into his pocket and pulled out a Halloween mini puzzle to show his teacher. I went digging in that pocket and confiscated another puzzler, several plastic rings and a bottle of bubbles. Whatever pride I felt transitioned to embarrassment as the teachers looked on with wide eyes. Daniel’s desire for ownership and taking care of what he has isn’t a problem; however when his desire to collect and control prevents him from playing with the other kids or causes him to fight over a toy or take something that isn’t his, this becomes something that needs training and boundaries.

In scripture, it seems that God’s way of training us to avert our natural hurtful tendencies is to call us to act against the tide of them. In Genesis, God commands Adam to love and lead Eve and Eve to respect Adam. While this is a generalization, man’s natural tendency is to be lazy, and woman’s natural tendency is to control and consume, so His command calls both to act apart from their nature in order to work best together. Applying this model to my child’s tendency to hoard, I need to give him opportunities to express generosity. I don’t believe forced sharing does anything more than confuse a child’s boundaries, but encouraging him to choose to share or give things away and experience the good results shows him the nature of his heart and how to love others.

I wish I were more rational in the heat of arguments, and I feel having a game plan would enable me to react in a more productive way. I absolutely adore my boys, and because of that, I want to stay strong in leading them and helping shape their hearts. Every moment, it seems, provides an opportunity to teach and shape, as every day they are making choices about how they react to situations, treat other people, and respond to change. For each of their choices, I have to choose how I will respond.

Updates

It's about time for an update on life with the boys.

Wookie is just shy of five months and keeps me very occupied. He rolls over as soon as I lay him on his back. He grabs his toes, chuckles when tickled, and is a pro in the jump-a-roo. He still wakes up to eat several times a night - usually every three hours. Up until this week he's been sleeping in the bed with me, but his his increasing level of wiggliness has him migrating to the middle of the bed and has me bumping into him when I roll over which wakes him up. So to the crib he goes! - except for morning and nap time snuggles and an occasional stretch after a 1 am feeding or whenever I'm missing having him close. Early on, I decided to help combat the anxiety and ppd by co-sleeping with Matthew. I think it has been an enormous help because we are deeply bonded and I haven't had to deal with hearing baby cries in my head even after he's asleep... And Wookie is huge because he eats as often as he wants.

At his four month appointment, the pediatrician encouraged starting cereal to help with the reflux and getting more sleep at night (this was the same one who told me to flip him on his back if he rolled over in his sleep - RIGHT.) Yesterday we gave rice cereal a shot. Wookie was eagerly leaning in for bites and smacking on the food and seemed generally pleased with the whole experience. Later in the day he got very fussy, and I assume his belly was hurting, so I will wait a little longer on the cereal. There's a whole huge debate about starting solids at four months versus six months, and I really feel no need to rush it. We are a happy little nursing team, and I'm now used to being up several times at night.

Wookie and Scooby Man are best buddies. Daniel cracks up whenever Matthew says or does anything, and he calls him "Little Little" or "Little Brother". "Little Little" is smiling at his big brother a lot more than he used to, and isn't getting quite as upset by his loud voice and close talking. The other day when I picked up Scooby from school, he didn't see me at the door, so I ducked down and held up Wookie and called for him. That was pretty much the funniest thing ever to Daniel.

Daniel is talking up a storm these days and is the most head-strong person I have ever met. He is a combination of serious and silly that I know he got from me. He's got none of my looks but a nice chunk of my personality - and not just the good parts. He is all Joe when it comes to sorting things and working with tools. I bought him playdough to bring out his artistic side and Joe taught him to "bring down the hammer" on all playdough creations. I know it's kind of late, but he now sings bedtime songs with me instead of just having me serenade him. Hearing his sweet little voice singing "My little buttercup" pretty much rocks my world. Him growling in my face - eh... it's cute.

As I'm taking time to just enjoy being mama, I find very little time for hobbies or thinking or writing. It is hard enough just getting teaching done. I told my friend Amy when discussing feeling emotionally dry, "emotions are a luxury I can't afford right now." I've always loved introspection and processing life, but with two active boys, I pretty much just have time to live it. I am using photography (whether through the cell phone or point and shoot) for a tiny bit of artistic expression and to capture this crazy life as it whizzes by.

Friday Faces

I suppose snapping a picture of your neighbor to post on the internet was a little too creepy - even for my blognerdy friends. Shucks. I didn't even do the challenge. So the real questions are, should "Friday Faces" be something regular on this blog and would you participate if the challenge didn't turn you into a sleazy stalker type? I was thinking other challenges could be: the face of someone who has your heart, an animal face, abstract faces, the face of TIME, etc. So if you answer the questions above with a "yes", what challenge should I do next?

Washable Wednesday

A Change in Skyline

Our house was the first built in the development and when the lot was cleared, nineteen pines were left standing, along with several dogwoods, elms, sweet gums, magnolias, oaks, and several other kinds I haven't identified. The rest of the development was mostly cleared of pines, which have a shorter lifespan and are notorious for causing problems during heavy freezes for houses that are built under them. After three years of requests from a neighbor, we had them taken down.

The men from Young's Tree Tech came after 2pm and by 7pm were finished cutting down all nineteen pines and grinding the stumps. They had a crew of at least eight men, one for riding the cable to top of the tree and tie it around the trunk, another to saw through the trunk, one to operate the crane, one to operate the machine with with the claw that grabbed the base of the tree to help lower to the ground, a couple more to saw off the branches as the tree was lowered, and another couple to grind the stumps and operate the chipper. Other than the large divots in the back yard from where the massive crane sat, their work was impeccable and the yard was left as it was found (less the trees). The nearby trees are still intact, and all the brush was removed from our lot. They even did a fine job navigating my little herb garden that was adjacent to the only spot available to lower the trees in the back. The best part - they were priced lower than their competitors.

Once Daniel got used to the noises of the saws, grinder and chipper, he ran from room to room looking out our open windows, taking in all the action. I was the crazy home-owner trying to capture it all on camera so Joe would be able to enjoy the fun after work. Fortunately, he came home just in time to see the final two come down.



The skyline is now totally different!

Before

After

Two Boys, One Chicken Costume

We didn't pass out candy or go trick-or-treating this year, but I couldn't resist pulling out chicken costume my sister gave me and taking some pictures of the boys. The chicken will likely make a reprise next October too.